02/02/08
Loss
Losing our best friend means grief and pain -- but painful times can also be an opportunity to confirm what really matters to us. Those who leave often leave behind valuable lessons for us to incorporate into our own lives.
Category: Inner
On Monday morning I dropped off my 7 month old dog to be spayed. Routine surgery. It was a cold morning, so on the ride there she kept asking to go on my lap, and I eventually succumbed to her wishes. Seems to be a common theme. I was getting ready to go ride a few hours later when I received a call from the D.V.M. with the news that Jujube had gone into respiratory arrest, and her little heart stopped beating. I recall falling to the ground, calling my fiancée, and rushing to his office to see her.
I will never forget walking out of there with my dead dog in hand. It is truly something I believe nobody should ever have to go through. It was certainly one of the lowest moments of my life.
While I dug the hole to bury her, tears streaming down my face, I couldn't help but remember her silly self, and all of the other moments I have spent with her I will forever treasure. I remember that she would always run to greet me when I got home from running. She would greet me with her whole body, dancing and shaking from side to side. Even if she had been in her crate for only a few minutes, once I opened its door she would come out and run toward me like we hadn't seen each other for weeks.
Loss is a funny thing. Even though it aches deeply when I remember her, I can honestly say now that even if I knew when I first met her how things would turn out, I would have still picked her. I believe our goal in life is to learn to be kind and love others. She got around to that goal quicker than most, and that's why she had to go.
Losing, whether it is a precious companion, a family member, or a race, has a way of humbling us. It is a reminder than we are all linked by our emotions and weaknesses, and that it affects us all. I recall a few times in my life crossing a finish line in 2nd place and thinking just how bad it felt to "lose". Losing Jujube has been a crash course in what it is to truly lose. Leland, my fiancée, and I still have another dog in our lives, and I think he is the one who has taken the toughest beating. While we are both devastated, he has taken it the hardest. It breaks my heart to see him just sit down and whimper for hours in a random corner.
I have asked my clothing supplier, Pyro Apparel, to include a little reminder of her in my training apparel, and will do the same wit my racing kit. A little pink dog bone, with a J inside it, right over my heart. It's not that I need a reminder of her, because I don't. The silence in my home is a constant reminder that she is no longer with us. Or perhaps the opposite is true: she will now always be with us, wherever we go.
We will always love you Jujube.